Showing posts with label Movie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Movie. Show all posts

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Weekly Prompt Story: Saw

http://oneadayuntilthedayidie.com/?p=27747

Saw
By Christopher Munroe

I’d rather cut my own foot off than watch the movie Saw.

I’d crawl through broken glass, have my body torn in two by elaborate spring-loaded apparatus, wake up chained to the wall and helplessly watch time tick away as everyone I’ve ever loved is killed to avoid it.

I don’t want to watch that movie, is what I’m saying.

I hate it.

It’s the worst movie I ever “Saw.”

See what I did there? Do you get it?

It’s important to me that you get it.

But seriously, fuck that film.

Ah well.


At least it’s not fake found-footage…

Thursday, January 8, 2015

I Want to Make a Movie: P. Diddy Edition


I want to make a movie, and I want it to star P. Diddy.

Does P. Diddy even make movies? Because if he’s going to star in mine, it would be helpful if he were also an actor.

It would be fine if he weren’t, don’t get me wrong, non actors make movies with varying degrees of success every year, but it would be helpful if he were…

Anywho, I want to make a movie, for children, and I want for it to star popular New York hip-hop icon P. Diddy, as well as being based upon one of his more popular songs.

More Monkeys, More Problems, my movie will be called. Essentially Diddy, playing himself, inherits one hundred monkeys from a distant relative who in life had owned a circus, finds through a series of unusual to the point of wacky circumstances that he can neither give these monkeys away nor find an appropriate caregiver for them and, when he’s forced to go about his business as a rap mogul trailed by a sizable parade of monkeys, hilarity ensues.

It’s 101 Dalmations but with trained monkeys, basically. Because everyone loved 101 Dalmations and trained monkeys are clearly funnier than dogs could ever be.

Anyway, at first P. Diddy’s life is turned upside down by the sudden influx of circus animals, as you would expect, but as the film progresses he grows to love them, to the point that he couldn’t imagine living without them.

He can, after all, afford to keep them easily enough, as he does have P. Diddy money going on.

And then, in the third act, the monkeys save P. Diddy’s life, or he saves theirs, from some sort of evil, anti-monkey conglomerate. I’m not sure how that will wind up playing out to be honest, there are third act problems in the script that WILL have to be ironed out before the first day of filming, but the money-shot is a helicopter lifting off a skyscraper in downtown New York with dozens of monkeys hanging off it, P. Diddy chasing behind.

It’s going to be a badass action comedy, but with a lot of heart. The sort of thing that manages to be simultaneously “High Concept” and “Feel Good.” Fun for the whole family, the sort of thing you could take anybody out to see.

Anyway, that’s my notion. If any of you know how I can get in contact with P. Diddy, I’d really appreciate it, I think that a film like this really does have a lot of potential. It’ll never be a tent pole flick, obviously, but as a modestly budgeted family comedy it may well wind up over-performing.

And, of course, the soundtrack would be an automatic hit. The lead single, after all, would be performed by Will Smith. No reason, I just like when he raps the plot to a popular movie…

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Weekly Prompt Story: Bird

http://oneadayuntilthedayidie.com/?p=23138


Birds
By Christopher Munroe

I want to make a movie.

Specifically, a Hitchcock movie from 1963.

I want to do a shot-for-shot remake of “The Birds”, set in the modern day, with a cast of contemporary actors, who will be forced to behave as though they were the actors in the original film.

The only difference will be the birds themselves, who will be computer-animated representations based on the popular video game Angry Birds.

The film will be in 3d.

Search your heart, you know this to be true. This is not a dumber idea than half the reboots that came out last year… 

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Why I'm Not Allowed to Make Big-Budget Hollywood Films


I want to make a movie.

Basically, I want a film where a Centaur in a near-future Detroit goes to work for the police force.

Part man, part horse, all cop.

I’ll be running it film noir style, when he starts out investigating the murder of a particle physicist, killed shortly before the activation of his new, clean-energy producing centaur-fuge, but as the story progresses he’ll be drawn deeper into a world-spanning conspiracy, as what seems at first to be a simple murder investigation quickly spirals beyond his control, and he realizes that he’s discovered the crime of the centaur-ey.

Meanwhile, his parents, two tradition-minded centaurs, who still live in the forest, hunt with bows, and help adventurers briefly in the third act, disapprove strongly of his choice to become a cop in Neo-Detroit, and much will be made of the friction between our lead and his father. This conflict will be the emotional centaur of our story.

But don’t worry, I won’t be overly centaur-mental with how I handle it.

I’m in talks with Antony Hopkins, as I’m confident he’ll give a centaur-de-force performance in my little film. He always does. I’m not sure, however, if I’ll be using him as the father, or as the chief of police under which our lead works. The chief will be an older, wiser, Obi-Wan-style figure in our lead’s life, who helps him find the answers he needs to resolve both the case AND his friction with his family.

Sort of a mentor-centaur.

It will also feature an original soundtrack by Pat Cenitar.

Will this movie be successful? Who can say? Financially I would imagine not. Artistically? Also unlikely, I imagine it’ll be centorture to watch.

Still, if you judge a film by its ability to make me laugh my head off, I think this one will do quite well…

NEXT WEEK: I want to make a movie about a blind, retired army colonel, who hires a lady centaur to take care of him over the Thanksgiving weekend. I’ll call it: Centaur a Woman.

Monday, August 13, 2012

An Essay: Watching Dark Knight Rises


As you may well know, Kat and I, like everyone else in the world, recently went to see Dark Knight Rises. I’d have written this earlier, but couldn’t, as I only saw it Thursday last due to my longstanding policy of waiting to see movies with Batman in them until I could see them in IMAX.

Totally worth it, by the way. But that’s not what I want to talk to you about.

You see, the couple sitting behind Kat and I talked the whole way through the first part of the film, and for a good long while that was unbearably irritating. The one who’d clearly not been in charge of choosing the film, a woman in her late thirties, maybe early forties, kept asking inane questions about what was going on in the movie. Things she should have known, and for a while it took me completely out of the moment. Kat, also, was annoyed by this, because this is annoying in an objective way. You don’t just talk the whole way through a movie, especially a movie where tickets are $19 due to the IMAX nature of the theater, and ESPECIALLY when the movie features Batman. It’s natural we’d be bothered by it.

However, I never got around to politely but firmly requesting her silence that I might enjoy a movie I’d waited years to see, because soon something happened that changed my view of the situation entirely.

During one of the early scenes with Alfred, the woman behind us turned to her date and asked “Is that his father?”

And that’s the moment I realized: This woman had never experienced Batman until that moment.

It wasn’t a simple case of her coming to the film franchise late, she’d literally never had a Batman experience of any kind before that moment. She’d missed the cartoon, she knew nothing of the comics, she’d somehow managed not to see seven major blockbuster Hollywood films of varying qualities. She was too young for the ‘60s television series, no doubt, but it still plays in reruns now and again. And yet, somehow, she’d managed to navigate somewhere near four decades of life without ever having been exposed to Batman in any meaningful way.

Perhaps this isn’t the case, but if you can think of a better explanation for the fact that she honestly didn’t know that Bruce Wayne was an orphan, I’d love to hear it.

And with that, my annoyance dissipated, replaced by a cauldron of more complex emotions. I did still want to enjoy the film, of course, but also I was fascinated by what was happening one row back. I was bearing witness to a fully-grown human being, being exposed to Batman for the first time in her life. I was jealous, in a way, of the sense of wonder now available to her, wonder that she’d never known to that point and which I, obsessed with the character as I am, can only distantly recall. I was deeply, deeply glad for her, obviously, because she was finding, late or not, something amazing about our culture, and I wondered if, coming to it later in life than anyone I’d ever met, she’d be able to take the same kind of joy in Batman that I’d spent a lifetime cultivating.

For the record: She absolutely was able. By halfway through the film she’d stopped asking questions regarding what was going on and was simply letting the experience wash over her, drinking in as much as she could of it while it was happening and trusting that she could fill in the gaps in her knowledge at some later date. Which is correct, I think, as far as approaching a movie like that goes. And at that point I was glad that she’d done this at one of the Nolan Batman films, rather than at one of the Schumacher ones. She’d never heard of Batman, only to stumble into one of the most perfect examples of the form available for public consumption.

A point with which she seemed to agree, as I overheard her asking the gentleman who’d brought her to watch the DVD’s of the other two films in the trilogy with her at some point as they were leaving the theater.

My point? Merely this: I saw Dark Knight Rises on Thursday, and it was awesome, but more importantly, I learned what kind of geek I am, because no matter how irritating the chatter behind me got, I was overcome with joy to hear it. Joy at witnessing somebody coming with fresh eyes, untainted by prior knowledge of the franchise, to experience something I care very deeply about and, having seen it, coming to understand what it is I love about Batman. And that made the annoyance I felt completely worthwhile, in my opinion, because I am, it turns out, the kind of geek that wants to share his love of culture with the world, and who believes that sharing Batman is the REAL joy of loving him in the first place.

Dark Knight Rises was, in short, awesome. A breathtaking piece of filmmaking that I want to see again at least once before it leaves the big screen. An immensely satisfying conclusion to a trilogy that only grows in importance in my mind with the passage of time. But the real show I saw Thursday last was taking place right behind me.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Weekly Prompt Story: Thumbs


http://podcasting.isfullofcrap.com/2012/05/27/weekly-challenge-318-thumb/

Thumbs
By Chris Munroe

I’ve made a movie!

Basically, it’s about a high school girl who’s really into archery who falls in love with a car that transforms into a giant robot. But at the same time a pirate, played by Johnny Depp, falls in love with her, and she must make a fateful decision about who to be with before an asteroid collides with the earth, destroying the world.

Nobody’s hands have enough thumbs down to review this movie, but that’s okay.

With the money I’ve made, I can pay somebody to look me in the eye if I can’t do it myself…