Good news! I’ve started accepting Bitcoin!
Which, I think you’ll all agree, was only ever a matter of
Normal currencies are, after all, only ever backed by
governments, and really, what are governments other than instruments through
which people deal collectively with the problems they collectively face?
Nothing, that’s exactly right! So why on earth would we allow these entities be
in charge of ensuring the safety and stability of a currency, when the much
simpler “Nobody in charge of anything and try not to worry about it!” option
There is no reason! I know!
Now, don’t get me wrong, Bitcoin isn’t based on nothing at
all, that would obviously be insane. A currency needs a stable platform upon
which to rest, otherwise how would it function in the global economy as a real
reflection of value, rather than a speculative bubble that could pop at any
moment? No, a foundation is needed upon which to build your currency, clearly,
that it might stand the test of time and win the trust of the wider world, it
just needs to be something deeper and more meaningful than the useful
collective fiction that is a national government.
In this specific case, Bitcoin is built upon two main
economic pillars, “Libertarianism” and “Wishing.”
Now, as a white cis-male who mostly sleeps with women, the
idea of Libertarianism has always appealed to me, I like that it tells me I’ve
earned everything I have and need never examine my life any more deeply than
that. It comforts me enormously, being told what I want to hear and then
encouraged not to think about it. And as far as Wishing goes, who among us has
never held a wish near to our breast and hoped for the best?
This, essentially, is Bitcoin. And I think you’ll agree that
it’s the sort of basis for an actual currency that real people actually use
that absolutely won’t result in the complete collapse of the system like the
over-elaborate house of cards that it definitely isn’t.
So it’s with a song in my heart that I jump aboard the
Bitcoin train now, after it’s left the station but before it goes completely
off the rails, in order to be a part of history. Not a part of history insomuch
as it’s the first time an economic scheme of this sort has been attempted, but
insomuch as it’s the first time the scheme’s been tried online.
And as we all know, adding the Internet to a business
venture is a sure fire winner, the late ‘90s and early 2000s notwithstanding.
Bitcoin will no doubt be every bit as great a success as we’ve come to expect
from these sorts of ventures!
So: Give me all your Bitcoins. And please, do it quickly, I
suspect that they won’t be useful to me much longer, and I’m certainly not
willing to pay real money for them while they are…