Weekly Prompt Story: Saw

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Saw

By Christopher Munroe

I’d rather cut my own foot off than watch the movie Saw.

I’d crawl through broken glass, have my body torn in two by elaborate spring-loaded apparatus, wake up chained to the wall and helplessly watch time tick away as everyone I’ve ever loved is killed to avoid it.

I don’t want to watch that movie, is what I’m saying.

I hate it.

It’s the worst movie I ever “Saw.”

See what I did there? Do you get it?

It’s important to me that you get it.

But seriously, fuck that film.

Ah well.

At least it’s not fake found-footage…

Fear

There are fewer things more delicious in this life than the taste of fear.

Especially the fear of an innocent.

At least, that’s the premise of my new Food Network series “Taste the Fear”.

We bring in the freshest of ingredients, as well as people who have no idea they’re on television, and while my sous chefs do the prep-work for each week’s delicious gourmet dishes, I chase our “Special Guests” through an elaborately constructed death maze, threatening their lives with a variety of weapons.

It’s not exactly legal in any of the countries in which the show airs, but we film it on a cruise ship on international waters, and there’s no evidence that our Guests are kidnapped from any specific nation.

Foot Network lawyers assure me this muddies the legal waters enough that I’ll never be prosecuted. But even if this weren’t the case, I’d do it. It makes, after all, for incredible TV.

And moreover, it’s true.

There are fewer things more delicious in this life than someone else’s fear.

And at the end of each episode, when we eat that week’s Guests, their fear makes them taste sublime….