Before we go any further into this evening, I want to say
for the record: I do occasionally turn into a wolf.
It’s not often, every month or so, but it does happen and,
in the interests of full disclosure I thought it might be best to bring it up
now, at the start of the evening, so that I don’t have to bring it up later and
cause you to think I might have in any way misled you.
Once every month or so I turn into a wolf and run, naked and
free, through the woods out back of my house. By morning I’m myself again,
though a version of myself that is frequently covered in blood and stuffed with
raw meat, and the rest of the time I go about a completely ordinary life.
This has been happening since last summer, during which I
was bitten by a wolf whilst on a camping trip with a few friends from work, and
while initially it was a terrifying experience to be sure, once I realized what
was happening provisions could be made to get the situation under control, and
I think I approached my new circumstance with a clear-headedness that I rightly
deserve to be proud of.
Every problem, after all, can be dealt with if you approach
it clear-headedly. I’ve always believed this, and to this point in my life it’s
always proved true.
Overall, the situation has been challenging, but ultimately
very manageable, and after nearly a year of changing into a wolf with the
cycles of the moon I’m confident enough that I have it under control that I
decided the time had come to date again.
Hence the OKCupid account. Hence the two of us, here, now.
I know this is a little heavy to spring on you during a
first date, but I honestly do believe that no relationship can be expected to
work if there isn’t honesty between the people involved, and this IS an
important part of my life, so I’m getting it all out in the open in the hopes
that you’ll understand and find it in yourself to look past it. I do turn into
a wolf once a month. It’s not ideal, but hopefully it’s not a deal-breaker for
you. And even if it is something you don’t think you can handle, it’s better
for me to tell you now rather than wasting both of our time on something that
obviously won’t work out. I’m in my thirties now; I’m done apologizing for who
I am. I like me and I want the person I’m with to like me too.
So yeah, I turn into a wolf during the full moon, and I
probably always will. That’s just me. Deal with it.
After all, if I’m going to be a wolf, I can at least be a
self-aware-wolf…
