My Weekend Plans

The weekend has come and, for the life of me, I find myself torn.

I’ve not yet seen the Entourage movie, you see, but so too have I to date missed Human Centipede III. Given that I work evenings, I only have a realistic chance of catching one or the other, and tough decisions must therefore be made.

In one film, lips are firmly, permanently attached to the ass of a person only a little ways ahead, seemingly never to be removed, as all are imprisoned at the whim of a screaming madman, trapped in a system beyond either their understanding or control. This movie sucks, it goes without saying, a whole lot of ass.

In the other, a centipede is made out of the still living bodies of humans.

Would I like to see both? No, no clearly I would not. Given my druthers I would watch neither, but there are times when my druthers are not to be had, and as such I must watch at least one, and to that end tough choices await me as I decide which one it shall be…

Huh?

What do you mean I DON’T have to watch at least one?

Both films are purely optional? Really?

You don’t say…

Well, that solves that problem for me, I suppose. Perhaps I’ll go to karaoke this weekend…

Entourage

I’ve hired an entourage.

I’m vaguely aware that I’m not a real celebrity, and don’t particularly need an entourage, but I feel like now’s the point in my life where I really ought to have one.

It’s small-scale, for now. Only two people.

One’s my bodyguard. He’s big, bright, highly trained and ever alert. His job is to, no matter what happens, keep me safe.

The other is my assassin. His job is to kill me.

I don’t know for certain if my entourage will make my life better in any concrete way, but it’ll certainly make things more interesting.