Friday, May 20, 2016


When offered a choice between a bunch of little spiders or one big spider, take the big spider. One big spider is much easier to deal with than numerous tiny ones.

I mean, bounds of reason.

It’s definitely important that you clarify exactly HOW big the one spider is before you make the decision…

I’ll know that for next time.

So far, I’ve been lucky, comparatively speaking. The spider knocked out my wall on its way out into the street, yes, but it was my neighbours’ place across the way that it chose to make its nest, rather than my own, so I feel like complaining about the property damage here would be petulant of me. The repair costs over there are going to be MUCH more expensive, after all.

Also, my neighbours across the street are all dead, long since consumed by a giant, rampaging spider. So there’s that as well.

I’m tempted to call for help, but to be honest I have no idea who I would even call. This does seem beyond the normal purview of 911, and I suspect pest control isn’t equipped for this level of pest either, so what options do I realistically have? The military? Perhaps, but if there IS a way for a private citizen to summon the military to his private residence, it’s certainly not something I’ve ever been told how to do.

Plus, really, this IS my own fault.

I picked the big spider rather than the small ones.

And I picked it specifically because I thought it would be easier to deal with.

I suppose I do have a responsibility here…

Okay, you know what? Screw it; I’m going over there. Complaining never accomplished anything for anyone, and there comes a time in a man’s life where he’s gotta stand up to his responsibilities and face them head on. And if I can’t do that with a giant, carnivorous spider making its nest in the wreckage of my dead neighbours’ home, when can I?

My courage isn’t going to screw itself to the sticking place, after all!

I just need to grab a couple things from the shed out back, and then I’ll be on my way.

I’m going to put a saddle on that motherfucker and ride it off into the sunset, or I’m going to die trying…

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