Fifty thousand volts coursed through me and I fell from my chair, not even feeling myself hit the floor as every muscle in my body simultaneously seized and I completely lost control of myself.
People at nearby tables gasped, shocked, and stared at the crumpled heap of what once had been a man, and I couldn’t even explain to them what had happened, let alone why.
I couldn’t do anything. I’d been, for that moment at least, switched completely off, and my body had no plans to obey my mind’s orders any time soon.
I lay there a moment, gathering myself until such time as I could focus my eyes again and then, drooling a little, I dragged myself back to my seat, realizing as I did that both my bowel and bladder had, in the intervening time, released without my realizing.
The stench was awful.
It was humiliating, as well as more physically painful than anything I’d ever experienced, and I’d heard tales that less healthy men going through the same ordeal had actually had their hearts give out, their lives ending before their entrees even arrived at their table.
All and all, it was an utterly horrible experience.
Though I admit, my appetite WAS piqued, and I WAS ready for dinner.
So overall, I suppose, ordering the appe-taser was a mixed bag….