Friday, June 24, 2011


“Climb Everest,” the brochure read, “in comfort and style.”

I normally spend my vacation time, rare as it is that I get vacation time, in Vegas, but it was the sort of pitch that caught a persons attention immediately, and I had to admit it drew me right in. I had to know more.

I also had to admit, it did look sort of fun.

My luggage would be taken from me at base camp by staff dressed as Sherpas, and flown to the summit via helicopter that I might have access to it upon my arrival without having to worry about it’s transport myself. I, meanwhile, would travel via enclosed snowmobile, accompanied by a tour guide to show me the sights. Stops would be made every four hours at tastefully appointed rest stops, where there would be restaurants for any “climbers” who were hungry, and photo-ops available so our “historic climb” could be properly chronicled. At these stops, naturally, there would be wifi, since what good is it to climb Everest if you can’t post photos to Facebook in real time?

As you’ve probably already guessed, each rest stop would also have a Starbucks.

The trip would, all told, take twelve hours, and atop the mountain was a fully staffed, five star, luxury resort where I’d be spending four luxurious days. Whether I wished to hike a pre-determined trail, ski the parts of the mountain that had been adapted into slopes, or simply relax in the worlds highest-altitude hot-tub, all my needs would be met atop Everest. The hardest part, a fun-fact box explained in colorful text, was getting the oxygen in and around the hotel to the levels we were used to. But somehow they’d managed, obviously, and the hotel they’d built looked, from the photos I saw at least, gorgeous.

As I said, it wasn’t my usual sort of vacation, not the sort of thing I’d ever have thought to seek out had I not chanced upon the brochure. However, I did have a weeks vacation time saved, the hotel did look amazing, and sometimes you need to open yourself to new experiences.

And I’d always nursed a deep-seated hatred of the very idea of human endeavor and achievement. This seemed the perfect thing!

I’m leaving July 6th. Should be fun!


  1. New experiences? I think s/he nails it with the last paragraph. This is almost anti-new experience. And what a statement about modern tourism. Owch! Well done.

  2. I can see this happening - well, in fact it probably does to an extent, albeit not on Everest. nice one!