Halloween Costumes

“I’m a serial killer,” I said, “we look like everyone else.”

“Dude,” the Cowboy replied, “total copout.”

I laughed, mentally noting to kill him.

But first, the Slutty Nurse, still grinning at my eye for detail as my straight razor went “snicker-snack” across her throat.

Alone and unprepared. Wonderful…

Then, time for the Cowboy. Icepick to the neck while he smoked behind the house. Never saw me coming. They never do.

Later, washing off blood in the bathroom sink, I heard a voice behind me.

But saw nothing in the mirror.

“Tonight,” it whispered “we look like everyone else too.”

The Nature of Will

“Is free will free?”

“Yes, of course it is. That’s why they call it that.”

“Like, completely free?”

“Yes, completely free.”

“How free?”

“Free! It’s free! It’s free will, it’s by definition free. It is the most free human will can be, I don’t understand what you’re asking. My will is free, all will is free. It’s free will!”

“Good. Then I’ll have yours, if you please.

And so she took my will, offering nothing in return.

She then commanded me to write a story about it, which you’re now reading. I’ll ask her if I hope you enjoyed it…

The Moon

“Your world,” whispered a voice from behind me, “has a beautiful Moon.”

I turned to face an amorphous thing, all shifting masses of eldritch tentacles and seemingly sentient darkness. It had no face, but as I stared into it’s seemingly endless void, I could feel it smiling at me.

I’d been in the pub nearly two hours, and while I admit I’d had a few, I couldn’t believe I’d not noticed it before it spoke.

“Excuse me?” I stammered, desperately clinging to my fraying sanity.

“Your moon. It’s very beautiful. What do you want for it?”

My mind reeled. It… he? He wasn’t the sort of thing meant to have ever been witnessed by any human eye, and it was only after overcoming my sense of near-religious terror that I could focus on the question itself. The moon? What do I want for the moon? I mean, it’s not really my moon, is it? It’s not really anyone’s. it’s just sort of… the moon.

On the other hand, if I did barter it away, who on earth would ever know it was me who’d done it?

“Power. I want power.” I whispered, raggedly.

“It is yours.”

Conquering the world was shockingly easy. But I suppose, with most of the coastal cities decimated by tidal waves and panic in the streets of the few nations unaffected, the world was had other matters on it’s mind.

We Have Nothing to Fear...

Fear’s the real killer.

It’ll paralyze you if you’re not careful. The slightest little thing, harmless on it’s face, can be magnified by the subconscious mind and manifest as the most paralyzing sort of terror.

It’s for this reason one must remain vigilant, ready to face one’s fears when needed. And must make oneself available to help others when they need to face theirs.

So, when the time came to overcome her phobia of spiders, I buried her alive, in a coffin full of spiders.

And now she no longer fears spiders.

Next: To address her newfound fear of me…

The Robotic Uprising

Was building the robots a mistake? Some think so, I don’t.

Some said sentient machines would surely tire of serving man, and inevitably rise up against their masters. To those I say: Science marches on.

Science must progress, risks must be taken. And when things sometimes go awry, we’ll deal with the consequences.

In summary, I admit the robotic sit-down strike will prove costly this quarter, but if you compare our overall profitability to that of competitors still using human labour, you’ll find that, all things considered, our cyber-work-force has been a boon.

So lets sit down with this “union-head”.

Why I Shouldn't be Allowed to Have Children

Great men are forged in the crucible of trying times. This has always been true, and it’s something everyone, on some level, understands.

Without great challenges, after all, how can we achieve glory? It’s only in tragedy that we learn who we truly are.

Which is why, when my son was born, I blinded him.

I knew overcoming this would teach him the self-reliance needed to succeed in this life.

And when Social Services later declared me an unfit parent and took him into foster care, I was overjoyed.

Blind, AND an orphan?

My son would surely grow up strong…

Raising the Dead...

…isn’t easy. It’s an unbearable drain physically, emotionally and spiritually. I lose something in it, something I can never get back.

And even then, the subject never comes back right. Some vital part’s missing, and the result, to those closest to the undeceased, is an abomination.

I know, you just want her back. This isn’t meant to convince you not to go through with it. Everybody goes through with it.

I just hope, when you put her down in a few days, you don’t curse my name too venomously.

You’ve brought the body? We can begin now, if you’d like…