On the subject of Murder Clowns...

I did spot a Murder Clown, once…

It was a few weeks ago, maybe a month, and I hadn't heard much about people dressed as scary clowns in the news yet, so I didn't know it was a thing that was happening around the world, it was just a clown to me, simply this and nothing more.

Simply a demonic-looking clown, in early September, walking down 17th avenue in the middle of the night, holding a machete and drenched in what appeared to be human blood. Nothing to see there, nothing to worry yourself overmuch about…

And what’s odd is: I didn’t worry myself overmuch about it. It was early for Halloween, to be sure, but I’m all for starting Halloween early, the Christmas people are starting November 1st nowadays, why shouldn’t those of us who like a scare claim a second month? We’re worth it, and the holiday of my people is every bit as valid as theirs!

By “My People” I mean “Aging Goth Kids,” that was clear, yeah?

Yeah?

Good.

So yes, I did see a Murder Clown, and rather than recoiling I smiled, nodded, and exchanged a quick high-five before continuing on my way home, filing it alongside all the other ways 17th avenue can be a messed-up place to go after dark on weekends.

Only a month later, reading a think-piece asking “What does it all mean?” Did I realize it might be anything noteworthy, sociologically speaking. At the time it was simply two dudes who are a little too into Halloween connecting with one another, the way that humans do, over their shared love of a thing, distressing though that thing might be to some, then coming away feeling a little closer and more connected to the world in which they live, having learned that that world is a wider, weirder place than they give it credit for being in their day-to-day lives…

Because, at the end of the day, that’s exactly what it was.

Halloween

I have a friendly, easygoing demeanor, and because of this fact people tend to instinctively trust me.

A shame, since I’m a horrible person.

Not that that’s your neighbor’s problem.

Your neighbor has no part in my plan, after all, beyond loaning me your extra key so I could check your mail. I returned it two hours later, and she never even realized I’d run to Home Depot and had a copy cut.

Why would she suspect anything along those lines, after all? I’m so pleasant and charming. And anyway, I did it months ago, by now she’s completely forgotten it ever happened.

But I haven’t forgotten. Not least due to your key on my key ring, waiting for the right time to be used.

The time when, as you sleep, I use your key to sneak into your home and creep up on you in your bed, so silent that you never once stir, that you never once suspect someone else might be in the room.

You look so peaceful when you sleep.

And when you wake up and check your cellular phone, you’ll find you’ve received a text reading “Happy Halloween,” that was sent from that same cellular phone during the night.

Just keeping things nice and festive.

Keeping you in a heightened state of paranoid terror.

Because it’s the reason for the season.

Happy Halloween.

On Autumn

It’s that time of year again. There’s a nip of chill in the air,  the leaves on the trees are turning brown, everything suddenly tastes of pumpkin spice (as is mandated by federal law) and a young man’s thoughts turn to one thing…

…his Halloween costume plans.

I’ll be going minimalist this year, tan trench coat, white button up, black tie. Deliberately disheveled at the beginning of the night, more organically so as I inevitably drink to excess.

I shall be Castiel, you see, of TVs Supernatural. I only got around to watching the show this year, and it was the first thing I noticed as I viewed it. “Holy shit,” I thought, “I totally already own that dude’s coat!”

And the rest of the costume built itself. Simple, yet it manages to immediately convey the essence of the character I’ll be portraying. Should Halloween go well, it shall also provide me a quick, easy piece of cosplay at conventions next summer, which shall no doubt be a fun way to fly the stripes of a show that, while only viewed recently, I did quite enjoy.

Also, fangirls might want to sleep with me. Which, while in no way a vital part of my Halloween tradition, is a nice little perk. Finally the opportunity to, rather than simply lusting after people based on their costume choices, become the object of that vaguely nerdy lust. It ought to make for an amazing Halloween.

Obviously, should I learn at any point that somebody I know and like is going as Zatanna, this plan is out the window. In that event I’ll be dressed as John Constantine. It’s the exact same costume, plus a cigarette. In fact a lot of different characters dress like that. It’s a simple yet distinct look that conveys a very specific meaning, supernaturally speaking. And all you need to play it is a tatty tan trench coat.

I heartily recommend you look into picking one up…

Weekly Prompt Story: Family

http://oneadayuntilthedayidie.com/?p=24929

On Dinners Missed

By Christopher Munroe

I usually work family holidays.

I don’t have kids, and my extended family’s back east, so on Christmas Eve, Thanksgiving, Easter or any of the other holidays requiring huge family meals, I’ll take pity on a coworker and cover their shift.

They have children, after all, and deserve to spend Christmas with them.

I don’t begrudge it, though they’re not especially good shifts. Time and a half, though, and it’s not like I have other plans for the evening.

HOWEVER: Come Halloween, St. Patrick’s Day, or any of the other “drunken, rowdy douchebag” holidays, I’ll be expecting the favor returned…

Halloween Horror

I’ve never been an easy man to scare.

As a lover of the horror, both literary and celluloid, I’ve seen every premise play out a thousand times, in every possible setting, with every possible spin applied to them. And yes, this has desensitized me to some degree. Zombies, Werewolves, Vampires, all old hat to me. Torture porn: A laughable bit of exploitive nonsense, good for a cheap thrill perhaps but by no means an actually visceral experience. I loves me some ‘80s slasher films, but more out of a lingering sense of nostalgia than any effect they might genuinely have.

And don’t get me started on ghost stories. Especially the ones where the cameraman can’t keep his damn camera steady.

I have nerves of steel, I suppose. Whether I might want them or not.

With that in mind, people are often disappointed at how tough it is to make me jump or squirm with fear. Halloween-based pranks inevitably fail, I simply lack the nervous disposition required to fall for them.

Still, when she claimed she could terrify me beyond belief, I tried my best to keep a straight face.

I loved her, after all. She was the woman I wanted to spend my life with, and laughing out loud at her heartfelt wish to give me a genuine moment of terror during the run-up to Halloween would be pointlessly hurtful, something I could never be. Not toward her, at any rate.

So I smiled, and I nodded, and told her  “I look forward to seeing what you come up with. I’m sure it will be great.”

And then I went on with my life, confident that whatever she might have planned would roll right off me.

She’d do her best, I knew, and when she did I’d genuinely appreciate the effort she put into whatever plan she had. It would be an expression of love, after all, that she wanted to share Halloween with me in a way I could appreciate, and I’d love her all the more for having gone through all the effort.

Even if I wasn’t particularly frightened by the results.

Three days later, I came home to find her crying, holding a pregnancy test…

Happy Halloween!!!

And now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, my weekly prompt story and Halloween celebration! Enjoy...

http://podcasting.isfullofcrap.com/2011/10/30/weekly-challenge-288-halloween/


Halloween
By Chris Munroe

And welcome back to Zombie chat! We’ve got some amazing guests joining us on the show tonight and we can’t wait to get started.

First up we’ve got Nobel prizewinning economist Paul Krugman joining us, and we’re going to eat his brain. Our musical guest is Canadian ‘90s power poppers The Odds, playing one of their classic hits. Finally, the head chef of a popular downtown restaurant will be dropping by to cook us a meal involving a surprising secret ingredient!

But first, what’s left of David Mitchellson is outside with the action weather report. Take it away, David!

“Raaaaaaaaain…”

Halloween Costumes

“I’m a serial killer,” I said, “we look like everyone else.”

“Dude,” the Cowboy replied, “total copout.”

I laughed, mentally noting to kill him.

But first, the Slutty Nurse, still grinning at my eye for detail as my straight razor went “snicker-snack” across her throat.

Alone and unprepared. Wonderful…

Then, time for the Cowboy. Icepick to the neck while he smoked behind the house. Never saw me coming. They never do.

Later, washing off blood in the bathroom sink, I heard a voice behind me.

But saw nothing in the mirror.

“Tonight,” it whispered “we look like everyone else too.”