http://podcasting.isfullofcrap.com/2012/01/15/weekly-challenge-299-pick-two/
Forgiveness
By Chris Munroe
It’s written that forgiveness is divine.
So I started forgiving people. At first for actual things they’d done to wrong me, then for increasingly subtler flaws in their personal character.
By doing so, I expected to become divine. Not Divine the pop singer from the eighties, but rather all-powerful, a terrifying figure towering over the landscape like a colossus.
I planned use this power to crush my enemies. But I never approached that point, no matter how much I forgave.
So no, forgiveness is not divine.
It’s written that it is, but it’s not true. Still, I can forgive that…
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Election
After the convention, the party got a little out of hand. Like, a lot out of hand.
Like, the next morning the newly selected candidate for President woke up naked, drenched in blood, next to a dead prostitute out of hand.
Like, a dead male prostitute out of hand.
Still, great party.
Anyway, he refused to step down as candidate, claiming the American people had chosen him because he was the only man who could lead the country out of crisis, and even when his bloodwork came back positive for meth he was convinced that he’d prevail in the general election.
The media coverage was a circus by the end of the first week, and as the election season wore on it only became worse and worse for him.
At first, he did what he could to combat the constant, intensely negative press he was receiving. He sent surrogates to fight for his reputation on the news and chat programs even as he sent lawyers to fight to keep him out of prison until after the election.
But when he was caught on tape saying “After I’m elected, I can just pardon myself. The President IS the law.” The surrogates willing to go on record as still supporting him kind of dried up.
And when it became known that he was siphoning campaign funds to pay his legal team, the donations dried up too.
By mid-October, people had more or less forgotten that there even were two people running for President. Which is probably bad for democracy.
Still, coming to politics as I did from Princeton’s Sociology department, I couldn’t help loving the spectacle.
There is, after all, a certain percentage of people who will always vote for their party’s candidate, regardless of that candidates identity.
And come November, we’ll finally know exactly what percentage that is.
Like, the next morning the newly selected candidate for President woke up naked, drenched in blood, next to a dead prostitute out of hand.
Like, a dead male prostitute out of hand.
Still, great party.
Anyway, he refused to step down as candidate, claiming the American people had chosen him because he was the only man who could lead the country out of crisis, and even when his bloodwork came back positive for meth he was convinced that he’d prevail in the general election.
The media coverage was a circus by the end of the first week, and as the election season wore on it only became worse and worse for him.
At first, he did what he could to combat the constant, intensely negative press he was receiving. He sent surrogates to fight for his reputation on the news and chat programs even as he sent lawyers to fight to keep him out of prison until after the election.
But when he was caught on tape saying “After I’m elected, I can just pardon myself. The President IS the law.” The surrogates willing to go on record as still supporting him kind of dried up.
And when it became known that he was siphoning campaign funds to pay his legal team, the donations dried up too.
By mid-October, people had more or less forgotten that there even were two people running for President. Which is probably bad for democracy.
Still, coming to politics as I did from Princeton’s Sociology department, I couldn’t help loving the spectacle.
There is, after all, a certain percentage of people who will always vote for their party’s candidate, regardless of that candidates identity.
And come November, we’ll finally know exactly what percentage that is.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Weekly Prompt Story: Mine
http://podcasting.isfullofcrap.com/2012/01/08/weekly-challenge-298-mine/
Mine
By Chris Munroe
I’ve bought a land mine!
I picked it up cheap at a military surplus store on a whim. Don’t know exactly why, but when I saw it I just knew I had to have it.
I brought it home, cleaned it up, fixed the detonating mechanism, and buried it in my front yard.
Then I ordered a pizza.
Now I’m sitting by my living room window, looking out at the yard, waiting for the show to start.
Is that wrong? Perhaps. Necessary? Perhaps not. Nonetheless, I don’t regret a thing.
A mine is, after all, a terrible thing to waste…
Mine
By Chris Munroe
I’ve bought a land mine!
I picked it up cheap at a military surplus store on a whim. Don’t know exactly why, but when I saw it I just knew I had to have it.
I brought it home, cleaned it up, fixed the detonating mechanism, and buried it in my front yard.
Then I ordered a pizza.
Now I’m sitting by my living room window, looking out at the yard, waiting for the show to start.
Is that wrong? Perhaps. Necessary? Perhaps not. Nonetheless, I don’t regret a thing.
A mine is, after all, a terrible thing to waste…
Thursday, January 5, 2012
New Year's Resolution
The tasering has gotten out of control. Even I have to admit that.
When I first got the damned thing, I promised I’d only taser people in self-defense, or when they REALLY deserved it. But as time went on, the convenience of having it at my side proved too tempting for me to resist.
All it takes is one really bad day, and one person needling you at exactly the wrong moment, and suddenly you’re the guy holding a taser with a body at his feet.
He was all like “Don’t tase me, bro!” and I was all like “I’m not your bro.” and then I tased him again. It was awesome.
And once that floodgates open…
Before long I was tasering people left and right. To get out of standing in lines, if somebody was talking too loud on his cell phone, or just people chosen at random, out of sheer boredom.
It’s fun to watch them twitch.
Still, you can’t solve all your problems by tasering them, and it really has gotten out of hand. I mean, I’m hurting strangers. A lot of strangers. And I’d never considered myself the sort of person who’d do that for no reason.
Also, I imagine there might be some sort of legal repercussion at some point.
So for my New Years resolution I’ve promised to taser fewer people.
What?
No.
No, I’m not getting rid of the taser entirely, that’s ridiculous. Just… less tasering, going forward.
When I first got the damned thing, I promised I’d only taser people in self-defense, or when they REALLY deserved it. But as time went on, the convenience of having it at my side proved too tempting for me to resist.
All it takes is one really bad day, and one person needling you at exactly the wrong moment, and suddenly you’re the guy holding a taser with a body at his feet.
He was all like “Don’t tase me, bro!” and I was all like “I’m not your bro.” and then I tased him again. It was awesome.
And once that floodgates open…
Before long I was tasering people left and right. To get out of standing in lines, if somebody was talking too loud on his cell phone, or just people chosen at random, out of sheer boredom.
It’s fun to watch them twitch.
Still, you can’t solve all your problems by tasering them, and it really has gotten out of hand. I mean, I’m hurting strangers. A lot of strangers. And I’d never considered myself the sort of person who’d do that for no reason.
Also, I imagine there might be some sort of legal repercussion at some point.
So for my New Years resolution I’ve promised to taser fewer people.
What?
No.
No, I’m not getting rid of the taser entirely, that’s ridiculous. Just… less tasering, going forward.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Weekly Prompt Story 2012: The Return
http://podcasting.isfullofcrap.com/2012/01/01/weekly-challenge-297-return/
The Return
By Chris Munroe
with thanks to Cyanide and Happiness
I’m bringing sexy back.
You see, I received sexy for Christmas, and while it’s lovely it doesn’t really… go with my lifestyle.
I’m more an “awkwardly charming” person.
I hope they accept it. I don’t have the receipt but it’s immediately post Christmas and I’m sure they’re getting a lot of attributes returned.
They might only give me store credit, and that’s fine. I’ll exchange it for little more talent to add to the meager pile I have.
Either way, I’ll be bringing sexy back.
It was fun to play with, but I have no use for it long term…
The Return
By Chris Munroe
with thanks to Cyanide and Happiness
I’m bringing sexy back.
You see, I received sexy for Christmas, and while it’s lovely it doesn’t really… go with my lifestyle.
I’m more an “awkwardly charming” person.
I hope they accept it. I don’t have the receipt but it’s immediately post Christmas and I’m sure they’re getting a lot of attributes returned.
They might only give me store credit, and that’s fine. I’ll exchange it for little more talent to add to the meager pile I have.
Either way, I’ll be bringing sexy back.
It was fun to play with, but I have no use for it long term…
Thursday, December 29, 2011
My Defence
Your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I thank you for the opportunity to address you today.
It’s been said that a man who represents himself in court has a fool for a client, but I know that only I can relay the truth in such a way that you understand it properly, and I have neither doubt nor fear that, once you’ve heard me out, you will find me completely innocent of all the charges that bring me here today.
I stand accused of the attempted murder of my ex wife, and I have no doubt that the prosecution will put together many eloquent arguments in support of this accusation. Nor do I doubt that he will give an impressive performance. He is, after all, a gifted public speaker, as well as an experienced legal expert.
He will also, I admit, bring a large amount of physical evidence collected from the scene of the crime into this courtroom, and several eyewitnesses.
Are these witnesses reliable? That will be up to you to judge. Is the evidence credible? Perhaps. I’d call it circumstantial in the extreme, but I’ll have to await your verdict to find out if you share my point of view.
The fact remains, however, that the sheer amount of evidence collected against me is daunting. The very weight of it might well be enough to convince some of you, if not all, that I am guilty beyond any reasonable doubt. I know this, and I’m resigned to it. It is my burden to shoulder during this trial.
And what, pray tell, could I offer to combat the charges laid before me? Not much, I fear. Only… me.
I intend over the course of the coming days and weeks, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, to allow you to get to know me, to really know me, and to that end I’ll be bringing in the people who know me best, my family, my friends, and having them tell you what sort of man I really am. They’ll tell you of my warm, good humor and willingness to drop everything to help a friend in need. They’ll tell you about my quickness with a joke, about the work I’ve done for charity and, perhaps, about my singing voice. And as they do, you’ll develop a picture of the man that the prosecution claims tried to run his ex wife down with his car in front of a downtown restaurant.
And I intend to ask you once I’ve done all this if you really believe that I’m the sort of man who could possibly be guilty of this sort of crime. I’ll ask if any of what you’ve heard about the content of my character implies to you that I could be capable of this sort of violent act. Because character counts, ladies and gentlemen, character counts. And I believe in my heart that, once you’ve truly grown to know me, you’ll understand that I am not.
I am the kindest, gentlest sort of man, as you will soon agree, and as you grow to understand this, you’ll realize how ridiculous the accusations leveled against me are. And when you do, I am confident, you will exonerate me completely.
Yes, I will be found not guilty, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, and I will walk out of this courtroom a free man. Of this I am certain.
And once I have, I will go straight to that bitch’s house and finish what I started…
It’s been said that a man who represents himself in court has a fool for a client, but I know that only I can relay the truth in such a way that you understand it properly, and I have neither doubt nor fear that, once you’ve heard me out, you will find me completely innocent of all the charges that bring me here today.
I stand accused of the attempted murder of my ex wife, and I have no doubt that the prosecution will put together many eloquent arguments in support of this accusation. Nor do I doubt that he will give an impressive performance. He is, after all, a gifted public speaker, as well as an experienced legal expert.
He will also, I admit, bring a large amount of physical evidence collected from the scene of the crime into this courtroom, and several eyewitnesses.
Are these witnesses reliable? That will be up to you to judge. Is the evidence credible? Perhaps. I’d call it circumstantial in the extreme, but I’ll have to await your verdict to find out if you share my point of view.
The fact remains, however, that the sheer amount of evidence collected against me is daunting. The very weight of it might well be enough to convince some of you, if not all, that I am guilty beyond any reasonable doubt. I know this, and I’m resigned to it. It is my burden to shoulder during this trial.
And what, pray tell, could I offer to combat the charges laid before me? Not much, I fear. Only… me.
I intend over the course of the coming days and weeks, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, to allow you to get to know me, to really know me, and to that end I’ll be bringing in the people who know me best, my family, my friends, and having them tell you what sort of man I really am. They’ll tell you of my warm, good humor and willingness to drop everything to help a friend in need. They’ll tell you about my quickness with a joke, about the work I’ve done for charity and, perhaps, about my singing voice. And as they do, you’ll develop a picture of the man that the prosecution claims tried to run his ex wife down with his car in front of a downtown restaurant.
And I intend to ask you once I’ve done all this if you really believe that I’m the sort of man who could possibly be guilty of this sort of crime. I’ll ask if any of what you’ve heard about the content of my character implies to you that I could be capable of this sort of violent act. Because character counts, ladies and gentlemen, character counts. And I believe in my heart that, once you’ve truly grown to know me, you’ll understand that I am not.
I am the kindest, gentlest sort of man, as you will soon agree, and as you grow to understand this, you’ll realize how ridiculous the accusations leveled against me are. And when you do, I am confident, you will exonerate me completely.
Yes, I will be found not guilty, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, and I will walk out of this courtroom a free man. Of this I am certain.
And once I have, I will go straight to that bitch’s house and finish what I started…
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Weekly Prompt Story: The Greatest Story Ever Told
Merry Chris Moose! Since My story doesn't really work without audio, here's the audio!
http://podcasting.isfullofcrap.com/2011/12/25/weekly-challenge-296-the-very-extra-special-very-christmas-special/
...and here, by the way, is a second link, to a seasonally themed youtube video Kat and I did!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0UU-HdmVzc&feature=share
http://podcasting.isfullofcrap.com/2011/12/25/weekly-challenge-296-the-very-extra-special-very-christmas-special/
...and here, by the way, is a second link, to a seasonally themed youtube video Kat and I did!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0UU-HdmVzc&feature=share
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