Friday, August 28, 2015

...on headwear.

I’ve recently started a monthly, curated subscription box service, because literally everyone else on earth seems to be doing that right now, and I figured “Me too!”

Projects have begun for worse reasons, don’t judge.

My service, FedoraBox, will send a monthly selection of three to four artisanal, handmade Fedora and Trilby hats, tailored to fit the recipient, such that the subscriber’s head might never go unadorned. Every month, a new box of hats will arrive, in various patterns, colors, some in plaids or paisleys, some with patterns of flames along their brim, what have you, for as long as the subscription is maintained.

And, naturally, the recipient of these hats will have no say as to how long the subscription is maintained.

FedoraBox, you see, is not a service that you can purchase for yourself. It is only available as a gift, for you to buy for the worst douchebag you know.

Is someone in your social circle a devoted men’s right’s advocate, with all the devotion to “Ethics in video game journalism” that that entails? Or a little too quick to point out in a discussion about police brutality that, actually, ALL lives matter? Why not subscribe them to FedoraBox, so that everyone who sees them might, at a glance, know exactly what they’re all about?

Rightly or wrongly, fedora and trilby hats have taken on a very specific meaning in 2015, and while this may or may not be fair, FedoraBox is more than happy to use this prevalent attitude about the wearers of said hats to help you irritate the sort of person you believe deserves to watch in increasing frustration as every square inch of his home gradually fills up with unrequested douche-caps…

And, and this is the FedoraBox promise: We will never stop sending the person you subscribe hats. No amount of threats, begging, pleading or weeping with our customer service department will stop the seemingly unending flow of hats to the doorstep of the person you’ve chosen this gift for, until such time as you and you alone decide to stop paying for the service.

Ending this process is, ultimately, entirely up to you.

FedoraBox will cost you $40/month, accepts all major credit cards, and guarantees a minimum $70 value, if you only count the value of the hats themselves. The value of psychologically torturing someone over the course of several months, naturally, is a deeply personal matter, and we’ll leave calculating it to you.

So sign up today! Find a douchebag in your life, sign him up, and watch in mean-spirited glee as the fedoras start flowing! Because life is very short, and even the best people deserve a little mean-spirited glee now and again!

FedoraBox. Because some people just deserve it…

1 comment:

  1. Hmmmmm...

    I have no idea what a trilby hat is, but I do know a hat afficianado that would LOVE this. Seriously, he loves weird hats! I kind of wish this was a real thing. :)