Emptiness

Endless nothingness stretches out in all directions, and however loud I scream, however I might search, there is no answer, no response. Nor, I know, will there ever be.

I am utterly and completely alone.

But I’ve been alone before, I’ve felt lonely and isolated, I’ve fallen deep into the pit of self and had no one to turn to, no one to whom I could bring my worries and pain, no one from whom to take solace.

This is nothing new to me, and I’ve always made it through dark periods in the past. It’s something I’m quite used to having to deal with.

Admittedly, previous isolation was less literal than this. That was a more personal loneliness, one born of despair, of depression, one that could be pushed through with a few simple reminders that however dark my mood, it was temporary, while this…

This is purgatory.

Or it’s hell.

Things got fuzzy after my death, it’s hard at times to remember exactly where I am. Lack of oxygen to the brain toward the end, I suppose. The noose does tend to do that.

Either way, I’m here now, and I have to make the best of it…

Weekly Prompt Story: Lodge

http://oneadayuntilthedayidie.com/?p=25790

My Living Situation

By Christopher Munroe

I’m looking for my fifth apartment of this year.

The first and third evicted me with illegally short notice, without benefit of warning or reason. The second and fourth were friend’s places, where I gratefully crashed while seeking somewhere permanent.

Hopefully five will be the charm, I could use a place to call my own. It’s been too many years since anywhere’s genuinely felt like “home” to me.

But there are times I worry that this is simply my lot in life, to move endlessly from apartment to apartment, never grounded.

Travelling without rest, never settling down.

The Artful Lodger.

Escape

He was the greatest escape artist the world had ever known.

No trap, no bondage, no cage, chain or restraint could hold him, too nimble and dexterous was he, too gifted in the ways of escape, too naturally inclined toward personal freedom.

But fashions in entertainment change, and with time his audience dwindled. He knew something had to be done.

His biggest stunt yet, to bring him into the modern world and allow him to escape his approaching obscurity.

He leapt into a swimming pool full of iPod headphones, promising to find his way back...

…the body was never recovered.

Weekly Prompt Story: Star Wars

http://oneadayuntilthedayidie.com/?p=25741

Vader’s Fist

By Christopher Munroe

The 501st legion descended on Calgary last weekend.

Stormtroopers everywhere you looked, inescapable, swarming every part of Calgary Expo.

They’re an organization here in town, the 501st, and they come every year to enjoy the convention and fundraise for charity.

They wound up raising close to $7000 over the course of the weekend, from what I hear.

The money’s for the Make a Wish Foundation. No clue how they’ll use it, but it’ll involve a budget in the thousands and dozens of imperial stormtroopers.

This story is completely true.

And, for one young Star Wars fan, it will be amazing…

My Truest Self

I took all my emotional pain, the suffering and the heartache, the self-loathing and the little cuts and bruises of the soul that a lifetime can inflict, and I swallowed them, pushing them down, way down, down as far as they would go, to the very bottom of me, all the way down to my feet.

And then I cut off my feet.

I did it as part of an elaborate performance art piece about the nature of human emotional suffering, as a statement about our tendency to avoid facing our troubles even when doing so was to our obvious detriment, about how we here in the twenty-first century are more willing to destroy ourselves utterly, to lose vital parts of our core being, than we are to face the fact that yes, life can be hard, and yes, it can hurt.

And it was a massive success.

 The night itself was sold out, and the reviews were uniformly excellent. “He left blood on the stage, and the crowd went wild…” read one particularly strong notice. I couldn’t have been more pleased. And, having no more emotional pain to taint my creative victories, I could finally properly enjoy my artistic success.

It was wonderful. And, for a brief period, I was happy.

Six months later, as a follow up piece, I cut my legs off at the knees. It was widely agreed that this was dull and derivative, and in hindsight it probably was. But it was all I could think to do. I’m not the artist I pretend to be, I suppose, and I couldn’t come up with anything genuinely new.

I had one meaningful moment, though. One statement worth making.

Maybe one day I’ll have another.

Or maybe I only ever had the one in me, and the rest of my life will be spent in slogging mediocrity, struggling in failed attempt after failed attempt to recapture my one long-passed moment of creative relevance.

There are moments when this notion haunts me, when it keeps me up at night, when it fills me with blind, helpless, hopeless panic that I fear will overwhelm me.

And when it does, I take that emotional pain, that suffering and heartache and self-loathing, and I swallowed it, pushing it down, way down, down as far as it can go, to the very bottom of me.

But, no longer having feet, I find I have nowhere to put it…

Weekly Prompt Story: Run

http://oneadayuntilthedayidie.com/?p=25677

You Can’t Run From Your Problems

By Christopher Munroe

Run as hard as you want, you’ll never escape your problems.

Unless we’re talking health problems, in which case chardio would do you good, and I heartily recommend you do take up running. You’ll lose weight, feel better, and have more energy going into your day.

But other than that, your problems can’t be escaped, and there’s no use running away.

Unless your problem is an angry dude with a knife, or a pack of hungry wolves, in which case, run.

In retrospect, “you can’t run from your problems” is pretty terrible advice, now that I think about it.

Huh…

The Day it All Went Down

They took city hall, guns blazing, trapping the Mayor, councilmen and assorted reporters inside. And worse, rumor was they’d snuck in an atomic device.

Their demands were insane, nonsensical, impossible, but SWAT teams had no way in without endangering the hostages.

The only chance to save the city was one man, working alone, under the radar, with nothing left to lose…

…and here I was, one day away from retirement.

Fortunately, I’d taken vacation time in the lead-up to retirement and didn’t have to deal with any part of it.

I watched the whole thing on CNN.

It was exciting!