Thursday, January 24, 2013

Excerpt: A Speech I Once Gave for the United Nations General Assembly

Now is not the time to play the blame game.

Yes, we could point the finger at one another, cast about for some scapegoat or other and descend into pointless name-calling and acrimony, but I, thank you very much, would rather look to the future.

I would rather look at what happened with a serious eye and make plans, knowing what we know now, that the tragedies of yesterday might never be allowed to occur again.

In this light, I would like to say: It does not matter who let the dogs out.

Yes, clearly, somebody is to blame, but who does this fact help? How does this change the fundamental, underlying fact that the dogs are out.

The dogs are, indeed, out.

In that light, I would like to suggest that the question is not “Who let the dogs out?” but rather “What are we going to do about the fact that the dogs are out?”

Because unless we act immediately, to find the dogs, secure them, bring them back in and secure the gate such that they might never be let out again, what is now merely a misfortune might well become a tragedy, indeed an insurmountable one.

It is for this reason that I am assembling a task-force, starting immediately, to go out in search of the dogs. Because I believe we can still prevail, difficult though the challenge we face may be. We can find the dogs and, working together, eyes toward the future, we can bring them home.

This will not be an easy task, this task I propose we undertake, but in the words of John F. Kennedy, we do these things not because they are easy, but because they are hard. And, though this truly shall be counted among the greatest of the challenges we face, I believe in my heart that it is a challenge that we are equal to. I believe, truly I believe, that it is a challenge we can face, and a challenge against which we can and will prevail.

I believe this because, fundamentally, I believe in us.

I believe that we are the brightest, most ambitious, clear-headed people the world has ever known, and I believe that, working together, there is nothing that we cannot accomplish.

I believe in us, and I believe that we can do anything, and so I believe we can do this. And it is for this reason that I, not only willingly but gladly, will set out this very day, in search of the dogs.

So I put it to you, the people: Who will help me in this most important of tasks?

Who? Who, who who who?


  1. I bet who was like "I know we'll make it if you show a little patience." - @QuHarrison >

  2. Haha, that was great! Three of them are at my place, come get 'em!

  3. Well, at least now you know what theme song to use for the search! Like this as a silly metaphor. Nice.