http://podcasting.isfullofcrap.com/2012/01/29/weekly-challenge-301-i-dont-know/
Portal
By Chris Munroe
I don’t know what’s on the other side of the portal.
When we bombarded the apparatus with tachyons, it just… opened. We’d hoped to prove time travel was possible, instead we tore open a wormhole to… somewhere.
Which is still cool, wormholes are awesome, don’t get me wrong. I could totally still win a Nobel Prize based on a stable, laboratory contained wormhole.
However, in order to do so, I need to know what’s on the other side.
…and no, I’m not going to pass through the portal to check.
You are.
Jesus, why do you think we hire interns?
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Yet Another Story About Juggalos
Deep within his underground fortress on Juggalo Island, Violent J sits atop a throne of skulls, contemplating his future…
He’s no longer as young as once he was, and he was never all that cool. His forces are depleted, both by time and ill-conceived wars and rivalries, and he no longer stands athwart the world like the colossus he once dreamed of becoming.
Still, he manages to maintain some trace of that which once gave him his power.
Shaggy 2 Dope, after all, remains by his side, ever loyal to their shared cause.
His armies, though scattered to the four winds and seemingly lost forever, remain in their hearts true to him, merely awaiting his call to reapply their war paint and return to action.
And yes, they have enough Faygo. There will always be enough Faygo.
So he rises , his decision made, his resolve steeled, and prepares to announce his plans to those who serve him, and with whom he serves.
He’ll drop a new album in May.
The Dark Carnival will rise again.
And he’ll just have to pray that he can work his Miracles one more time…
He’s no longer as young as once he was, and he was never all that cool. His forces are depleted, both by time and ill-conceived wars and rivalries, and he no longer stands athwart the world like the colossus he once dreamed of becoming.
Still, he manages to maintain some trace of that which once gave him his power.
Shaggy 2 Dope, after all, remains by his side, ever loyal to their shared cause.
His armies, though scattered to the four winds and seemingly lost forever, remain in their hearts true to him, merely awaiting his call to reapply their war paint and return to action.
And yes, they have enough Faygo. There will always be enough Faygo.
So he rises , his decision made, his resolve steeled, and prepares to announce his plans to those who serve him, and with whom he serves.
He’ll drop a new album in May.
The Dark Carnival will rise again.
And he’ll just have to pray that he can work his Miracles one more time…
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Weekly Prompt Story: Museum
http://podcasting.isfullofcrap.com/2012/01/22/weekly-challenge-300-museum/
Museum
By Chris Munroe
They took the last of my good ideas, and put it in a museum.
I was proud when the exhibit opened, and I visited every day for a while, but when I realized I had nothing more to say in my creative life, the visits became painful reminders of who I once was.
After a few months I could barely bring myself to look at it. Eventually I stopped going altogether.
Still, it’s proven to be a popular tourist attraction. Tickets to see it are constantly sold out!
“See?” They say to the tour groups, “Munsi wasn’t ALWAYS a hack!”
Museum
By Chris Munroe
They took the last of my good ideas, and put it in a museum.
I was proud when the exhibit opened, and I visited every day for a while, but when I realized I had nothing more to say in my creative life, the visits became painful reminders of who I once was.
After a few months I could barely bring myself to look at it. Eventually I stopped going altogether.
Still, it’s proven to be a popular tourist attraction. Tickets to see it are constantly sold out!
“See?” They say to the tour groups, “Munsi wasn’t ALWAYS a hack!”
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Fear
There are fewer things more delicious in this life than the taste of fear.
Especially the fear of an innocent.
At least, that’s the premise of my new Food Network series “Taste the Fear”.
We bring in the freshest of ingredients, as well as people who have no idea they’re on television, and while my sous chefs do the prep-work for each week’s delicious gourmet dishes, I chase our “Special Guests” through an elaborately constructed death maze, threatening their lives with a variety of weapons.
It’s not exactly legal in any of the countries in which the show airs, but we film it on a cruise ship on international waters, and there’s no evidence that our Guests are kidnapped from any specific nation.
Foot Network lawyers assure me this muddies the legal waters enough that I’ll never be prosecuted. But even if this weren’t the case, I’d do it. It makes, after all, for incredible TV.
And moreover, it’s true.
There are fewer things more delicious in this life than someone else’s fear.
And at the end of each episode, when we eat that week’s Guests, their fear makes them taste sublime….
Especially the fear of an innocent.
At least, that’s the premise of my new Food Network series “Taste the Fear”.
We bring in the freshest of ingredients, as well as people who have no idea they’re on television, and while my sous chefs do the prep-work for each week’s delicious gourmet dishes, I chase our “Special Guests” through an elaborately constructed death maze, threatening their lives with a variety of weapons.
It’s not exactly legal in any of the countries in which the show airs, but we film it on a cruise ship on international waters, and there’s no evidence that our Guests are kidnapped from any specific nation.
Foot Network lawyers assure me this muddies the legal waters enough that I’ll never be prosecuted. But even if this weren’t the case, I’d do it. It makes, after all, for incredible TV.
And moreover, it’s true.
There are fewer things more delicious in this life than someone else’s fear.
And at the end of each episode, when we eat that week’s Guests, their fear makes them taste sublime….
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Weekly Prompt Story: Forgiveness
http://podcasting.isfullofcrap.com/2012/01/15/weekly-challenge-299-pick-two/
Forgiveness
By Chris Munroe
It’s written that forgiveness is divine.
So I started forgiving people. At first for actual things they’d done to wrong me, then for increasingly subtler flaws in their personal character.
By doing so, I expected to become divine. Not Divine the pop singer from the eighties, but rather all-powerful, a terrifying figure towering over the landscape like a colossus.
I planned use this power to crush my enemies. But I never approached that point, no matter how much I forgave.
So no, forgiveness is not divine.
It’s written that it is, but it’s not true. Still, I can forgive that…
Forgiveness
By Chris Munroe
It’s written that forgiveness is divine.
So I started forgiving people. At first for actual things they’d done to wrong me, then for increasingly subtler flaws in their personal character.
By doing so, I expected to become divine. Not Divine the pop singer from the eighties, but rather all-powerful, a terrifying figure towering over the landscape like a colossus.
I planned use this power to crush my enemies. But I never approached that point, no matter how much I forgave.
So no, forgiveness is not divine.
It’s written that it is, but it’s not true. Still, I can forgive that…
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Election
After the convention, the party got a little out of hand. Like, a lot out of hand.
Like, the next morning the newly selected candidate for President woke up naked, drenched in blood, next to a dead prostitute out of hand.
Like, a dead male prostitute out of hand.
Still, great party.
Anyway, he refused to step down as candidate, claiming the American people had chosen him because he was the only man who could lead the country out of crisis, and even when his bloodwork came back positive for meth he was convinced that he’d prevail in the general election.
The media coverage was a circus by the end of the first week, and as the election season wore on it only became worse and worse for him.
At first, he did what he could to combat the constant, intensely negative press he was receiving. He sent surrogates to fight for his reputation on the news and chat programs even as he sent lawyers to fight to keep him out of prison until after the election.
But when he was caught on tape saying “After I’m elected, I can just pardon myself. The President IS the law.” The surrogates willing to go on record as still supporting him kind of dried up.
And when it became known that he was siphoning campaign funds to pay his legal team, the donations dried up too.
By mid-October, people had more or less forgotten that there even were two people running for President. Which is probably bad for democracy.
Still, coming to politics as I did from Princeton’s Sociology department, I couldn’t help loving the spectacle.
There is, after all, a certain percentage of people who will always vote for their party’s candidate, regardless of that candidates identity.
And come November, we’ll finally know exactly what percentage that is.
Like, the next morning the newly selected candidate for President woke up naked, drenched in blood, next to a dead prostitute out of hand.
Like, a dead male prostitute out of hand.
Still, great party.
Anyway, he refused to step down as candidate, claiming the American people had chosen him because he was the only man who could lead the country out of crisis, and even when his bloodwork came back positive for meth he was convinced that he’d prevail in the general election.
The media coverage was a circus by the end of the first week, and as the election season wore on it only became worse and worse for him.
At first, he did what he could to combat the constant, intensely negative press he was receiving. He sent surrogates to fight for his reputation on the news and chat programs even as he sent lawyers to fight to keep him out of prison until after the election.
But when he was caught on tape saying “After I’m elected, I can just pardon myself. The President IS the law.” The surrogates willing to go on record as still supporting him kind of dried up.
And when it became known that he was siphoning campaign funds to pay his legal team, the donations dried up too.
By mid-October, people had more or less forgotten that there even were two people running for President. Which is probably bad for democracy.
Still, coming to politics as I did from Princeton’s Sociology department, I couldn’t help loving the spectacle.
There is, after all, a certain percentage of people who will always vote for their party’s candidate, regardless of that candidates identity.
And come November, we’ll finally know exactly what percentage that is.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Weekly Prompt Story: Mine
http://podcasting.isfullofcrap.com/2012/01/08/weekly-challenge-298-mine/
Mine
By Chris Munroe
I’ve bought a land mine!
I picked it up cheap at a military surplus store on a whim. Don’t know exactly why, but when I saw it I just knew I had to have it.
I brought it home, cleaned it up, fixed the detonating mechanism, and buried it in my front yard.
Then I ordered a pizza.
Now I’m sitting by my living room window, looking out at the yard, waiting for the show to start.
Is that wrong? Perhaps. Necessary? Perhaps not. Nonetheless, I don’t regret a thing.
A mine is, after all, a terrible thing to waste…
Mine
By Chris Munroe
I’ve bought a land mine!
I picked it up cheap at a military surplus store on a whim. Don’t know exactly why, but when I saw it I just knew I had to have it.
I brought it home, cleaned it up, fixed the detonating mechanism, and buried it in my front yard.
Then I ordered a pizza.
Now I’m sitting by my living room window, looking out at the yard, waiting for the show to start.
Is that wrong? Perhaps. Necessary? Perhaps not. Nonetheless, I don’t regret a thing.
A mine is, after all, a terrible thing to waste…
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