Thursday, December 11, 2014

My Christmas Shopping

Money’s tight this holiday season. Things are tough all over, and I’ve been no exception. It’s made my Christmas shopping difficult, to say the least.

So, bearing this in mind, this year everybody’s getting dick pics.

Dick pics are still a thing, right? Like, they’re still an appropriate gift? For Christmas?

No need to answer, I’ll just assume they are.


Anyway, dick pics it shall be. Though for obvious reasons I shan’t be doing anything so prosaic as sending them via text or email. It’s Christmas, after all, and I do love to celebrate the holidays.

I’ve booked a photo shoot with a professional photographer to make sure I have the absolute perfect portrait of my genitals, and I’ll be printing eight-by-tens for each of you, which I plan on delivering in person, each in a sterling silver frame, that you might forever remember my cock and display it proudly in your various homes.

Because I value you, as friends, I care about you. Each and every one of you. And when you care about somebody you want to share the things you love with them.

And I love my dick, you guys. I love it so much and I want so badly to share it with you, even if it’s only in pictorial form…

Some of you will point out that this project, by the time I’m finished, will be much more expensive than buying the people on my shopping list actual gifts in the first place.

I know.

No need to thank me. It is Christmas, after all…

Merry dick pics for all, and for all a good night!


  1. In the words of George Takei, Oh Myyyyyyyyy...

  2. Okay, who's going to make the first joke about the photographer needing a macro lens? I guess that would be me!