By Christopher Munroe
I lost the award.
Sorry, that was unclear. I realized upon saying it that I could have phrased it better. I’ll try again.
I didn’t win the award.
This should be no surprise, as I wasn’t nominated for the award, or indeed any award. I’m only present at this award show to present the award to whoever happened to win the award at this award show.
That was awkward. Sorry, I’m nervous.
Anyway, a bunch of the award presenters went drinking last night, and we brought the awards. Jagermeister was involved, and…
Help me break it to Johnny Depp?