Hipsters

Hi! My name is Chris, I just moved into the place across the street, and I’ve been going around introducing myself to everyone in the neighborhood. In accordance with federal law, I am required to inform you that I’m a hipster.

I would have thought the moustache would be enough, or the sweater-vest. But no, apparently not.

Yeah, the law was passed fairly recently. Some big scare in Ottawa that hipsters live in Canada’s communities under the noses of “normal” people without them even knowing, and that something had to be done to keep Canadians informed of who might be living next door.

Personally, I think it’s bigotry pure and simple.

I mean, I may like obscure bands, and yes I have a hilarious tattoo of Russian one-hit wonders Tatu on my shoulder blade, but I’ve never hurt anybody. So what business is it of the government to judge how I live, that I should have to announce when I’m moving into a neighborhood?

Do you mind if I light a long, black cigarette, by the way? Thanks.

Seriously, I know it seems funny, but it could be the start of a slippery slope. They start with a group nobody takes seriously enough to care about, but where will it all lead?

And do you REALLY want to be the guy who starts a story with “First they came for the hipsters, but I was not a hipster so I remained silent?

No, I thought not.

Nah, I’m just joshin’ ya. There’s no law requiring any of this. I’m just doing it ironically. Still, I do live across the street, swing by some time for a microbrew!