Sunday, July 28, 2013

Weekly Prompt Story: Pork

The Nostalgia Files: Television
By Christopher Munroe

It was a monster hit, and no mystery why.

A woman in Boulder, Colorado takes a pig, fresh from the farm, as a roommate, and hilarity ensues as it does it’s best to fit into human society. The clash of cultures was a goldmine of comedic possibility, a well that would never run dry.


By the third season the show had run its course, midway through the fourth it was cancelled, and most agree it should have ended two years sooner.

Still, many fans of classic TV still have a soft spot in their heart for Pork and Mindy.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

The Thief of Childhood

He was a monster, worse than an animal, skulking through the neighborhood and terrorizing the children.

Stealing their innocence.


He’d stalk his prey and, once no adult was watching, creep up on them, to whisper his poison into their innocent ears.

“You’ll never be as well-off as your parents,” he’d tell them, “no matter how hard you work, or how smart you are. The age of that kind of prosperity has been over for nearly a decade, and it’s never coming back.”

And in their hearts they knew it was true.

And so he left them, weeping in despair...

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Weekly Prompt Story: Original

The Crisis
By Christopher Munroe

The prompt was the word Original, and lo did I quake with fear.

What? How? I’m widely known not to have an original idea in my head! I never have! I’d been skating by on a hodge-podge of dated pop-culture references and non-sequitors too long to come up with an original thought at this late date, would this be the end of me?

But no, I persevered, pushed forward, and soon I had the stroke of genius that would prove to be my salvation.

I’d go Meta, write a story about writing the story.

And that would get me there.

Friday, July 19, 2013

The Awakening of the Middle-Aged One

Beneath city streets I slumber, in my basement apartment, as I have done since before the time of dawn.

Dreaming mad dreams of limitless, unchecked power, I await that moment when the time is right, when the portents are properly aligned, and when my alarm goes off, at which point shall I arise and unleash myself upon this helpless, unsuspecting world.

And when I do awaken, truly all will cower before me, unified in horror at the spectacle so cruelly thrust before their disbelieving eyes.

Because I do not wake up in a good mood.

And I demand my coffee…

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Weekly Prompt Story: Anonymous

The Mask
By Christopher Munroe

The mask cost twelve dollars at Expo when we went in the spring.

Well worth it.

I took it home, put it on a shelf, and waited.

Summer rolled on and into autumn, and once she’d forgotten we had the thing, I knew the time had come.

I greeted her at the door as she got home from work, naked other than the plastic, V for Vendetta-style Guy Fawkes mask.

“Hey, baby,” I said, the leer she couldn’t see nonetheless perfectly clear in my voice, “want to have some Anonymous sex?”

….I’m as surprised that it worked as you are!

Friday, July 12, 2013 open letter to the SyFy network.

After the unparalleled success, both commercially and creatively, of such films as Shark Swarm, Sharktopus and Sharknado, many are left wondering, what will SyFy do next? How will they continue their unassailable streak of enduring classics?  What kind of deranged mind might be able to write the sort of bizarre, nonsensical genre fare that the discerning viewers of the SyFy network have grown to expect, nay demand?

Wait, aren’t I deranged? And don’t I write nonsensical genre fare? Why am I asking myself rhetorical questions rather than getting on with it? Don’t I owe it to myself, to SyFy, and indeed to the world, to pitch a few ideas for future films in the hopes that word gets back to the network, that they might then cut me a medium-sized cheque to write some scripts?

Answer: Yes! Yes, yes and oh my God yes! And on that note, I’d like to preempt my normal Friday offering with this: Five quick ideas for future SyFy original films.

1) Since the dawn of time, man has looked at shark and thought “Not deadly enough”. And in one secret government lab, a team of scientists wed shark and machine into a hybrid more deadly than anything the world has ever known. But when that hybrid is unexpectedly freed by animal rights activists, can any of us be safe from: Sharkborg!

2) 1939. The Reich has the world on the ropes, and it seems as though free men and free nations might soon be things of the past. But one archaeologist has uncovered the possible location of a mythical super-shark, one that might just turn the tide of the war. Will he find it before the Nazi’s? Tune in to find out, in: Raiders of the Lost Shark!

3) Many considered him mad when he cloned a prehistoric shark, and perhaps he was, but everyone can agree, doing so without looking into the nature of the experiment conducted in the compound next door was at the very least negligent. After his new pet was bitten by an infectee, it returned from beyond the grave with an even greater hunger for flesh than it’d had previous, in: Megalodon of the Dead!

4) An elite team of US fighter pilots is called up when a rain of sharks falls upon the unsuspecting people of New York City. But even with the most advanced military technology the Unites States Air Force has to offer, do they stand a chance against the sharkslaught? Find out in: Jets Vs. Sharks!

5) T’was the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. Under the house, however, indeed under the city, angry sharks patrolled the sewer system, and the only thing standing between the peaceful townsfolk and festive sharkful doom are two rogue members of the heavenly host, willing to put themselves through hell to save Christmas, in: “Shark!” The Herald Angels Sing!

…we can all agree, I think, that while these movies might not be “any good” in the traditional sense, they would be awesome, and thus I put it to you, gentle reader, to spread the word. Share my proposed SyFy movies with whomever you can think of, that they might one day get back to powerful network heads and, dream of dreams, make it to television. And on that day, truly we can all raise our voices in joy!

If only in the moments before we’re all no doubt eaten by sharks…

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Weekly Prompt Story: Yellow

Black and Yellow
By Christopher Munroe



You know what it is.

Black and yellow.

Black and yellow.

Black and yellow.

Black and yellow…

And thus, Wiz Kaleefa sang my very favorite song about bees.

Or maybe it’s about Pittsburgh.

Maybe it’s about that time Pittsburgh was infested with angry bees?

Did that happen? Was it a movie? Because I’d watch that!

Anyway, my second favorite song about bees is by Coldplay.

Look at the stars, see how they shine for you?

And all the things that you do.

And they were all…

…black and yellow.

Black and yellow.

Black and yellow.

Black and yellow…

Thursday, July 4, 2013


Each episode, the ship sailed into port, picked up an assortment of celebrity guests, and took off on another romantic voyage.

However, once at sea, things would inevitably go awry. Horribly awry. Lives would be threatened, indeed lost tragically, passengers would be driven mad and, in the end, no matter how they might try to survive, they would each and all be devoured by the eldritch God-Beasts of old.

And as they were consumed, body and soul, the captain would sing his mad, haunted refrain, also used as the program’s theme...

Lovecraft, exciting and new.

Ancient Gods will devour you…